And they killed a son of a headmaster, a father of a Harvard student and a religious scholar..

Yesterday,  after a couple of drinks, I started hurling abuses outside our chawl, er, society. I abused my society chairman, my neighbours. I also threw stones at their windows. Now today, they want me locked in my room, er,  apartment and not leave until I sober up. Bloody fascists!! So, locked in the confines of my house, I decided to interview the person who would know all about it- Mr Parvez Abdul Khan Iftikhar Shah Tahir Anees Ghoulam, better known as P.A.K.I.S.T.Anees Ghoulam, head of a little known, bt extremely active organisation,  Kashmiris in India for Separate State Association (K.I.S.S.Ass). The organisation is mainly engaged in arranging for stone throwers for protests and activists for attacking Indian army camps.

"Activists, Mr Ghoulam?"

"Well of course. They are active. In activities. The activities that cause death and destruction  to Endian army. That makes them exactly what we call them- Activists. "

"It is an interesting  thought. Your activists are sure scaring the hell out of those soldiers!"

"You are getting us wrong brother. Our aim is not to scare them. We want to provoke them into attacking us back. Because who will join our cause if we dont show ourselves to be the victims of state oppression?"

"But would it not harm your kids? I mean, the oppressor Army maiming and killing them, it is bound to have casualties, right?"

"My kids? They are studying in London, where they will marry some Brit and contribute to our global cause."

"Oooh! Smart! But no, i was talking about the kids you send to attack the Army."

"Their job description includes the risk. They have the best job in the world- suicide bomber. No other job in the world so perfectly describes the work and risks so precisely."

"So how do you recoup the losses?"

"Oh, misguided youth are dime a dozen. Show them some videos, some random photos, activate their minds with key words-sacrifice, freedom etc. And they are ready to explode for you."

"Changing the topic for now. It's getting a bit too honest here. Not good journalism!"

"Hahaha! Well said bhaijaan. I am also not much used to honesty. My training sessions are also....."

"Cutting you off right here Mr P.A.K.I.S.T.Anees Ghoulam! Tell me, what is your response to allegations that you are a Pakistani agent?"

"I find it ridiculous, you know. I work for the interest of the oppressed muslims of Kashmir! I am not an agent or servant of Pakistan," Mr P.A.K.I.S.T.Anees Ghoulam added.

"So, if Kashmir gets azaadi, what industries do you think will help in its development?"

"Import-export. Our organisation import guns and grenades from pakistan and exports terorrists, er, bomb activists. Lucrative business."

"But what about the peace loving people in the Valley?"

"Oh most of them are peace loving. Thats why our recruitment agents work overtime in spreading hate against India. So that the peaceful people join our cause."

"What kind of agents?"

"The media, and India's liberals, of course. As long as your newspapers run headlines like 'And they hanged Yakub', as long as Burhan Wani is identified as a headmaster's son, as long as Osama is described as a loving father, as long as Baghdadi is called a religious scholar, and as long as your liberals write mercy petitions for our terrorists who killed hundreds of your own people, our activities will never stop receiving volunteers."

"Well, thanks for the complements. Yes, we love to glorify terrorists for viewership. Also we will support anyone, ANYONE who is against the current government, even if it means going against the nation. All for our liberal ideology. We want to protect rights of everyone, especially if we can use them mock the ruling party's claims of a secure India."

"Exactly bhaijaan. As long as we have support of the likes of you, our activities will never cease, and one day, we will bring an end to islamic oppression in India!!"

"That's a noble thought. Speaking of oppression, what do you think about oppression of Uighurs in China?"

"Uighurs? What is that?"

"Muslims in China..."

"China? Never heard of it. Okay, this interview is over. We have never spoken. Over and out."

Just before the line was cut, I could hear staccato of firing. Time to create another fatherly figure, religious scholar killed by the Army....